And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His hands were made for my vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
