Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
