im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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