Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
