if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
