all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
