Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
