Plan B is the new Plan A
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
