Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
