At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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