Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
