so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
