If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
