apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
we're so committed to being not committed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
