Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
