if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
