A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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