I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
