do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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