True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
