Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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