This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
