mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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