Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
