so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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