3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
