meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
