bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
