WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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