this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
