DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
