i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
