He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
