Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
