Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
