I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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