I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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