even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
