I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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