Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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