I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
