Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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