he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
