I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
