you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
