come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
