you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
