she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
