I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
