I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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