i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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