TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
